Our next adventure!

Well, today has been a very emotional day.  This morning I woke up and went into Anayah's room and was looking at some of her things.  We thought we might have had a little girl through a friend of ours, but that faded away.  I guess I was just going in there to look at what we might have to get rid of.  In her closet we have a hanging shoe canvas thing where we put all her blankets.  I was looking at all the blankets that people gave to her, my most favoriteone was made by her cousin Jennifer Epperson!  I took it out and started smelling it, but I didn't smell her.  I was sad, but thought it was probably for the better.  Then I looked down and there was a quilt that I don't remember seeing before.  I could tell it was handmade and it made me so sad because I couldn't even remember where she got it.  Not surprising because I am finding that I don't remember much about when we had her.  I think it's the stress coupled with the fact that my brain has wanted to forget the bad stuff and one side effect of that is that I have even forgotten a lot of the good things.  Anyway, I thought of how she had never even touched that blanket and how angry I was at myself that I couldn't remember where it came from and I lost it.  I sat in her room and cried.  Finally I realized that I needed to get out of there if I ever wanted to stop crying and get ready for work.  I stepped out of the room  to hear the sound of my phone ringing.  I ran to it and saw that it was my caseworker.  The first thing she asked was if I had time to talk...  technically I didn't, I was going to be late for work... but I told her that I always have time for her.  She asked if Joe was there and I told her that he was at work.  She asked if I wanted her to call me back when we were together.  Of course I couldn't wait!.  She proceeded to tell me that we had been picked by a BM to have a baby girl due May 17th.  Then she back tracked and said, I'm sorry, I should've asked if you wanted to know that!  Of course we want to know. Immediatly my heart was mended.  This BM is LDS, and has the support of her family.  Which is very different from our last placement.  Also different is the fact that she hasn't done drugs, alcohol, or smoked with the pregnancy.  I was so glad to know these things because Anayah had so many problems because of cigerett smoke and coffee.  She asked what I was thinking and I said that I was just shocked!  We set a date to meet the BM on March 19th, which is the day before my little Steven gets home from his mission!  It's going to be an exciting month!  I got off the phone and immediatly called Joe.  I was in so much shock that I didn't cry or anything when I was talking to our case worker, but the minute I heard the soon to be daddy's voice and realized he didn't even know he was going to be a daddy I started crying.  I bet he thought I was crazy!  Until I finally got it out that he was going to be a daddy again! 
When joe got home we shared a long hug and some happy tears. Joe even talked me into walking around babies r us. Which, as fun as it was, was still so scary to be there and think about the things that could go wrong. We decided to just enjoy it though. We were planning on not telling people except our family but then we decided that we need to be happy and live this up to the fullest because so many things could go wrong and why not be happy while we have the chance. We were still apprehensive about telling everyone so we just told a few family and friends.